April 2145
3 April 2145 ANCHOR: A thing of beauty or a red-petaled menace? The uncanny ability of the dandefox to thrive anywhere under the most extreme conditions appears to be a mixed blessing. The Martian import is growing in many places where it is not wanted. We asked Philip José, an Alberta farmer, to relate his problems. JOSÉ: Weed killer don't touch them, so I go out and rip them out by the roots. The next morning I has twice as many of those damn things. I'm going to buy myself a laser pistol and fry them to bits! ANCHOR: The Last Visitor isn't complaining. M'ti is not only thriving on his steady diet of dandefox – he's growing. 4 April 2145 ANCHOR: Goggleheads are deserting the Net and travelling – physically travelling – to Key West to visit Maria Gonzales in person. Debbie Gonsher explains. GONSHER: I met her in the Net, but that's nothing compared to what she's like in person. And she has... powers. I've seen her bend spoons and levitate objects with her mind. Anybody can do that in the Net – but she's doing it realworld, realtime. I want to invite all my fellow Goggleheads to take off your rigs and come on down. You've got to see this with your real eyes. Come see Our Lady of the Net. Come to the beach... (she removes her goggles) ...and get real. 5 April 2145 ANCHOR: The search for the Earth First Brigade continues. CLARKE: I am directing Kyle Swann to assist Chief King in his pursuit of the culprits. Mr. Swann's experience as leader of "R" will make him an invaluable asset in this investigation. ANCHOR: Madam President, will Kyle Swann do that? CLARKE: Of course he will. It's a Presidential directive. ANCHOR: Do you know where Swann is? CLARKE (levelly): Yes. walks off. ANCHOR: And, what is the Nautilus crew eating on their trip to Europa? CHEW: Today the crew had a delicious high-protein, low-fat Irish stew of beef, potatoes, and carrots – all TFP. For dessert they had a selection of ToFruiti Bars, which you can now buy right here on Earth! 6 April 2145 ANCHOR: Prime Minister Yakov Kanter speaks about Israel's faster-than-light drive controversy. KANTER: I will explain one more time, and this will be my last word on the subject: No, Israel does not have a faster-than-light drive. ANCHOR: But what of your antimatter research? Isn't that the core of any star drive? KANTER: I will not deny that the Tel Aviv Propulsion Lab has been experimenting with antimatter and with forcefields that contain it, but we are still – you will pardon the expression – light years away from such a drive. ANCHOR: Was this research behind Israel's decision not to participate in the mission to Europa? KANTER: It was one of many factors in that difficult decision. 7 April 2145 ANCHOR: Mystery woman, Maria Gonzales, still declines to be interviewed. But she did consent to allow FTL to record a conversation with her followers. GONSHER: Dear Lady, the world is watching. Will you show them one of your miracles? GONZALES: No, my child. The day for that is not yet here. When the proper time and proper place intersect, I will act, and they will believe. GONSHER: But why have you come to us? GONZALES: I am preparing the way for those who will follow. GONSHER: Who... who is that? GONZALES: They are ones you have locked from your eyes and your ears. 10 April 2145 ANCHOR: Having conquered the Net as a vid show guest, the Last Visitor appears poised to take on the world of merchandising. But there's a catch. EPP: I want to warn the toy-buying public about the illegal Matty dolls that are flooding the market. The Last Visitor has licensed no toys. holds up the limp doll. Look at this piece of junk. You may think you're getting a valuable keepsake, but the only thing you're getting is robbed. It's supposed to talk – to repeat some of Matty's wit and wisdom... it... but it does nothing. It's a sleazy attempt to cash in on the little guy's popularity. I want to know who's behind this. ANCHOR: In other news, President Clarke's office is still awaiting word from Kyle Swann about joining the hunt for Cameron Grant. 11 April 2145 ANCHOR: FLAKE president, Benjamin Droid, has some thoughts on the Israeli faster-than-light drive controversy. DROID: I know what they're up to, I know what they're up to! It's just like that old Twilight Zone episode where the big space ark takes five generations at sub-light speed to reach Alpha Centauri, but when they finally arrive they discover A-C's only planet has already been settled by humans who arrived ahead of them. You see, Earth developed a faster-than-light drive after they left. Whoosh! Passed them like they were sitting still! ANCHOR: FTL has no record of any Twilight Zone like that. DROID: Really? No generation-ship on T-Z? That's weird... I could've sworn... Oh, maybe it was Outer Limits. Yeah. Probably Outer Limits. I'll go check. I have them all, you know... off screen 12 April 2145 ANCHOR: Every month, the red petals of the ubiquitous dandefox plant crumble prior to their periodic seed release. The resultant red dust is becoming a nuisance to many. Caren Ginjerbu sees no problem. GINJERBU (brushing red dust off her sleeves and shoulders): It's really much ado about nothing. A little bit of red dust every month is a small price to pay for the ever-present beauty of the dandefox. It does pose a bit of a clean-up problem, I'll admit, but it's nothing but a little iron oxide. ANCHOR: Dr. F. Paulson has a different take on the matter. PAULSON: The dust in the petals contains iron oxide... the same chemical that gives Mars its red colour... portentiously at the camera Think about it. 13 April 2145 ANCHOR: Europa: What's under the ice of the Jovian moon? We asked mission Europa director, Dr. Winston Rylo, to venture an opinion. RYLO: There are numerous theories about what's under that thick frozen crust. Maybe there's warmth from deep hydrothermal vents. Perhaps there's an "alien" lifeform similar to the tubeworms dwelling on our own sea bottoms – chemosynthetic life that exists independent of photosynthesis. The possibilities are myriad. But one thing I'm quite sure of – we will find no indigenous alien civilisation on Europa. ANCHOR: And speaking of aliens, the Last Visitor's stature appears to be growing as fast as his popularity. His height is now reported at five-foot one. 14 April 2145 ANCHOR: FTL was on George Smathers Beach earlier today with the mysterious homeless woman known as Maria Gonzales. GONSHER: Please do another spoon, dear Lady? Please? GONZALES: I have bent too many spoons. There isn't a straight spoon left within a mile. GONSHER: Then do something else – something different! GONZALES: Different? (she stares at Debbie) Different? GONSHER (floating into the air): It's a miracle! A MIRACLE!!!!! She's the Virgin reincarnated! She's the female Buddha! GONZALES: I am none of these things. GONSHER: Then who are you? GONZALES: When it is time, you shall know... the world shall know. 17 April 2145 ANCHOR: No, this is not a file image of President Clarke. Her name is Bimbetta Mondaine, an air dancer from the Flamingo Floatel and Casino, and her "new look" is drawing huge crowds to her shows. BIMBETTA: It's such a good look, don't you think? And I figured, if the President doesn't want it anymore, why should I let it go to waste? ANCHOR: Ms. Mondaine, what do you have to say to those who think it's in questionable taste to do a performance such as yours in a physical configuration that was once worn by the President of the NAU? BIMBETTA: I say they're over-reacting. I mean, I'm not naked all that long, and besides, the look wasn't copyrighted – although it is now... by me. I just love the hair, don't you? 18 April 2145 ANCHOR: A new holovid game is sweeping through the gogglehead world, outselling Doom 87 by a margin of two-to-one. Its name: M'ti Massacres the Moonmen. But all is not what it appears to be with this new game. Perry Epp explains. EPP: This is piracy, pure and simple. But what's worse is the ultra-violent nature of the game. Matty is a peace-loving, gentle soul, and I'm sure that if he ever had the misfortune to play M'ti Massacres the Moonmen, he'd be as deeply offended as I. ANCHOR: Unauthorised Matty dolls are still being sold. Any clues as to who is behind this? EPP: None yet, but we believe the same party is responsible for both items. 19 April 2145 ANCHOR: An FTL exclusive! Mystery woman Maria Gonzales has consented to a brief interview. We take you directly to George Smathers Beach in Key West... Ms. Gonzales, they are calling you Our Lady of the Net, the Female Buddha, the Earth Mother... GONZALES: I am none of these. ANCHOR: How do you explain your powers? GONZALES: My powers are not godly. They are not even mine. They are... borrowed. ANCHOR: From whom? GONZALES: From those who are to follow. ANCHOR: Could you possibly be a little more specific? GONZALES: Yes. I will explain everything in full detail... but only before the World Congress. 20 April 2145 ANCHOR: Yesterday Maria Gonzales said that she would explain her powers only before the World Congress. EC leader, Georges Favreau, responds: FAVREAU: Who is this old woman and why should we drop everything to listen to her? The World Congress is a busy organisation with a full agenda. We have no time for parlour magic. ANCHOR: This reaction from Debbie Gonsher: GONSHER: Parlour magic? Is that what he said? Parlour magic? Well, they're gonna get a lot more than parlour magic. The Lady is going to do something that's going to blast their eyes open, a miracle, something they can't ignore! And then they'll be begging her to come talk to them. Parlour magic – hah! 21 April 2145 ANCHOR: It's that time of the month again. All over the world, billions of dandefox are simultaneously releasing their seeds into the air. DPS president, Caren Ginjerbu, comments. GINJERBU (as ecstatic as she is dramatic): Behold the seed-clouds on high, catching the ordinary sun beam in their yellow down and transforming it into golden light. This is alchemy of the highest sort. ANCHOR: We asked Dr. F. Paulson for his usual counterpoint. PAULSON: Frankly, I'm tired of playing Cassandra, tired of being a lone voice crying in the wilderness. But I'm not going to give up. I'm going to contact Dr. Kristeen Ballard and ask her to delve deeper into the dandefox's role in Mars' past. It may well give us a look at Earth's future. 24 April 2145 ANCHOR: Jack B. Nimbus is back. However, he is no longer CEO of MacroWeather... and no longer Jack B. Nimbus. We'll let him explain. NIMBUS: Glad to. I'm now CMC – Chief Meteorological Consultant – for the Islamic Federation, managing their climate control and making sure the Sahara grasslands stay green. Along the way I also changed my name to this symbol. ANCHOR: How do we pronounce that? NIMBUS: You don't. You can simply refer to me as "The Bureaucrat Formerly Known As Jack B. Nimbus". ANCHOR: Thank you, Jack– NIMBUS (wagging finger): Uh-uh! Not Jack. ANCHOR: Of course. The Bureaucrat Formerly Known As Jack B. Nimbus will be an FTL regular, commenting on weather – both on-world and off-world. 25 April 2145 ANCHOR: Reality Secretary, Perry Epp announces M'ti's first licensing deal. EPP: This is very exciting. We were hesitant at first about allowing the Last Visitor's image to be commercially exploited, but, hey, the little guy's got expenses, you know. his head "Little guy" – listen to me! Have you seen him lately? He's at least six-one now. ANCHOR: And who is the licensee? EPP: A small company called Tau Ceti Toys. They made the best offer and seem to have the sincerest wish to market a quality product. We don't want Matty's name or image associated with any of the schlockmeisters out there. ANCHOR: And what does M'ti think? M'TI: I'm gonna be a toy! I'm gonna be a toy! What's a toy? 26 April 2145 ANCHOR: The fraud and forgery wing of the InterCombine Police has brought charges against Armondo Corleone for manufacturing unlicensed M'ti dolls. CORLEONE: Hey, I did it for the kids. I heard all my nieces and nephews telling me, "Uncle Armondo, we want a Matty doll!" What else could I do? I tried to get the rights from [[Perry Epp|Mr. petulante Epp]] but he wouldn't give me the time of day. ANCHOR: So you admit to making unlicensed Matty dolls. CORLEONE: What's all the excitement? It's just a little family thing. ANCHOR: Your Palermo warehouse contained half-a-million Matty dolls. CORLEONE: What can I say? I got a big family. 27 April 2145 ANCHOR: The Nautilus will not reach its destination for another six months, but enquiring minds want to know: What's the weather like on Europa? NIMBUS: Actually, there will be two climates on Europa: one above the ice and one below. Obviously the thick icy crust will be barren and unimaginably cold. No real climate to speak of because there's no atmosphere. Temperatures will vary according to its relationship to the sun. But beneath crust could be warmer – relatively warmer, that is. We might even find a liquid environment with a climate of shifting fluid masses. ANCHOR: Any chance of life there? NIMBUS: I only make predictions about weather. Life is far too unpredictable for comment. 28 April 2145 ANCHOR: Magical mystery woman, Maria Gonzales, has yet to deliver the miracle her followers promised. Psychic debunker Thomas Dowter thinks he knows why. DOWTER: A miracle? Don't hold your breath, folks. This Maria Gonzales is just another in a long line of charlatans that have been preying on human gullibility since the dawn of time. They want attention – and you folks are giving this Gonzales lady plenty of it. ANCHOR: How do you explain her "magic"? DOWTER: Magic? You mean this? causes a spoon handle to bend I can do this as many times as you want, and trust me, I've got no supernatural powers. I simply know a few tricks. This Maria Gonzales is the Uri Geller of the 22nd Century. Ignore her and she'll go away. __NOEDITSECTION__ 2145-04